Is male sexuality simple? | Psychology today
In our culture and in most cultures around the world, male sexuality is either put on a pedestal or demonized. The mistaken belief is that testosterone, spontaneous erections and totally predictable sexual response demonstrate that male sexuality is strong and perfect or far superior to female sexuality. The assumption is that men are better than women and that few women can keep up with the sexual rhythm. The opposite extreme is to demonize men and masculinity. The message is that an erect penis has no conscience and that a real man is willing and able to have sex with any woman, at any time and in any situation. Sexual abuse, rape and mistreatment of women reflects toxic male sexuality.
Scientifically and clinically, there are many more similarities than differences between adult men and women. The mantra of couple sexuality is that both partners value intimacy, pleasure and eroticism. This is especially true for married couples and couples.
Rather than reinforcing extreme and alienating concepts, an empathetic and respectful approach empowers men and couples. Sexuality is a team sport, not an individual performance. You are intimate and erotic allies. The traditional divide where men value eroticism and women value intimacy needs to be confronted and changed. Rather than “giving up the sexual power,” you make a wise decision to value your partner and be an intimate sexual couple. You share intimacy, pleasure and eroticism. The major aphrodisiac is an involved and horny partner who has her “sex voice”. She is actively involved in giving and receiving pleasure-oriented hugs rather than being passive in foreplay. She is a fair sex partner rather than depending on you to ‘turn her on’ or ‘give her an orgasm’.
You accept her sexual voice, are open to giving and receiving pleasure-oriented touches, actively engaging in the process of arousal and eroticism, making the transition to sex when both partners experience a flow erotic and enjoy multiple stimulation before and during sex. This process of sharing intimacy, pleasure and eroticism is far superior to the traditional scenario where you are dominant, responsible and responsible for her sexual response.
Our latest book,
Contemporary male sexuality
, defends the model of sexual equity between women and men and confronts the traditional double standard between men and women. In addition, we advocate the Good Enough Sex (GES) model and the abandonment of the male model of perfect sexual performance. Male and couple sexuality is an interpersonal process of sharing desire, pleasure, eroticism and satisfaction. GES recognizes that male and couple sexuality can have a number of roles, meanings, and outcomes rather than gender as a mere pass-fail test. The old belief that male sexuality is simple while female sexuality is hidden and complex is replaced by the scientific and clinical acceptance of the complexity of male, female and couple sexuality. Positive and realistic expectations motivate you to accept your sexuality rather than feeling controlled and oppressed by the individual model of perfect performance. Be sexually self-accepting rather than intimidated by unrealistic performance demands where you always experience feeling like a sexual failure. This new model of sexuality allows you to enjoy intimacy, pleasure and eroticism throughout your life, including in the 60s, 70s and 80s.