Using a point system could transform your sex life, according to a seasoned sex therapist. Here’s how.
- Bat Sheva Marcus, a
sextherapist for over 20 years, has made a point system to score your sex life.
- The system has four categories:
libido, Orgasm, pain and excitement. Users need at least 100 points.
- Marcus created the system to prove that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to a great sex life.
When your orgasms or your interest in sex suddenly disappear, it’s easy to sense that something is wrong with you. In reality, the problem is the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.
This is what Bat Sheva Marcus, a sex therapist with two decades of experience, has observed over time in her patients.
As founder and director of Maze Women’s Sexual
He explains his system in four categories which focuses on the most common themes that make or destroy a good sex life: arousal, desire, orgasm and pain. Marcus says everyone needs to score 100 points in those categories – from factors like medications, body confidence, child care, and stress – to have a great sex life.
“The gist of the book is that people walk into my office, sag, cry and say, ‘What’s broken, Bat Sheva? Let’s fix it, “like it’s a switch,” Marcus told Insider. “And I say, ‘Don’t think about that. He’s not a good role model.'”
This way, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to prepare and have great sex. Rather, good sex becomes a customizable journey that can fit anyone
How to mark your sex life
Marcus created his 100-point system when she noticed his practice’s medical director, Dr. Michael Werner, was using a mixed-factor model to explain infertility to patients. “It helped me understand that no factor should be looked at independently,” Marcus writes. Instead, mind and body issues should be viewed in tandem.
So Marcus created the four quadrant and 100 pint approach, started applying it to his patients, and noticed the sense of relief they felt knowing they had options to improve their sex life.
To begin with, take Quiz of 32 questions from Marcus, which asks multiple-choice questions about your libido, vaginal pain, orgasms, sexual fantasies, and other topics pertaining to all four quadrants.
The online quiz generates your score for you. 160 points is a perfect score, although Marcus said that this score is “incredibly rare”.
What to do if you get a low score
According to Marcus, people who score between 32 and 40 points for each quadrant have a fulfilling sex life to some extent. But a lower score in a certain quadrant means you need to focus on that area to boost your sex life.
In each quadrant, Marcus offers several ways to troubleshoot.
For example, if someone who takes antidepressants scores low in the orgasm category, it is possible that their SSRIs play a role. But if it’s out of the question for a person to stop taking medication, they could try to find new ways to achieve orgasm, like a more powerful vibrator, Marcus told Insider. “Better child care may not be accessible to everyone and stopping the contraceptive pill may not be accessible to everyone, but it could be. It really depends on where you can get points, how reasonable things are in your life to get points, ”Marcus said.